Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
