So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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