dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
