I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
