glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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