Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
