He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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