i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
