I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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