is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
