i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
