my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My ass is underappreciated
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
