Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
