So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
