I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
