im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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