this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
