chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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