she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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