in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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