Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
