Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
