So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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