he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
