Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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