ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
