You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
