It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
