Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
