What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
