My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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