I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
