I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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