My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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