hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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