i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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