hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
