Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
