He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
