we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
