Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
