mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
