we have officially lost it.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
