"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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