so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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