and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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