If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
