I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
