so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There are leaves in my underwear?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
