well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
