this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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