so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
